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Joke of the Day

"5yo: I dreamt I ate your brownie. Me: Wait, what happened to my brownie?? 5: Dreams come true."

"Attention Netflix and Chill has been replaced The new thing is Cookies and Dick...that is all"

"It's been a rough morning. Picked up my coffee, handle came off. Put on a shirt, button came off. Grabbed my tool box, handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!"

"Why did the college student change his major from Biology to Physics after his first exam? He needed to see if how fast his grade dropped broke any laws of physics."

"My wifi has been down for the past few days... My wifi has been down for the past few days so I've been conversing with my family. They're actually pretty cool."

"All of my horoscopes lately have started with ""Ok, don't freak out but..."""

"where are opie and anthony from? ethiopia"

"Why does SnoopDogg carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle!"

"""If you gaze long into a bisque, the bisque also gazes into you."" - Philosophical soup kitchen chef"

"do the people in Fiji know we pay 4 dollars for their tap water"