209910

Joke of the Day

"My first child will be named New Folder."

"JUDITH! FETCH MY EVIL PLAN GLASSES! *2 hours later has organised a small festival* Dammit Judith, these are my party planning glasses!"

"Him: Are you perioding? Me: Are you deathwishing?"

"[opens door for two Jehovah's witnesses] Ugh...ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I'll get the virgin from the basement."

"I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib"

"First they came for the Fight Club members, but I said nothing, because...you know...rules."

"What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside? A Lift (only a joke, my American friends)"

"I never thought I'd love my family more than my Xbox 360, and it turned out I was right."

"I had a can of beer last night and on the side it said ""Best Drunk Before August, 2012. I've just e-mailed them thanking them for that prestigious award which, of course I graciously accept...."

"The Doctor was puzzled ""I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "" ""Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley I'll come back when you're sober."""