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Joke of the Day

"Him: Are you perioding? Me: Are you deathwishing?"

"[NSFW] MY wife walked in on me fucking my daughter... I wasn't sure if she was surprised by the fact that I was fucking my daughter, or the fact that the abortion clinic gave me the fetus..."

"I just read the words ""untimely death"" and thought, ""Man, I hope my death is timely."""

"I fucking hate the Kool-Aid man that guy has such a punchable face"

"A whale asks his dad ""Dad where do I come from"" The father whale replies, ""well from my penis"" ""Oh. Thanks."" Responded.the junior whale ""You're whalecum"""

"Dating in your thirties is like finding a parking spot, the only way to get one is to follow them out to their car."

"I like my women like I like my rum... Aged 12 years and mixed up in coke."

"Why are dogs and engineers alike ? They both have intelligent eyes, but neither can talk properly."

"Whats would happens if you added Hillary Clinton and the USA and subtracted an A? I dont know but it would be Hillary Us."

"What is the drunkest animal in Antarctica? A Pengwine. That's a /u/amanescape original. I can show myself out."