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Joke of the Day

"I didn't let my st-st-stutter stop me from achieving my dream career I'm a door-to-door salesman. I sell ""No Soliciting"" signs. The more I st-st-stutter the more I seem to sell."

"Michigan and Ohio fought a war over Toledo... Michigan won and Ohio has to keep it."

"My new favorite joke [Language] How do you get a little old lady to yell, ""Go fuck yourself!""? Get another little old lady to yell,""BINGO!"""

"Did you hear about that baby boy that was born with no eyelids? The doctors actually used his foreskin from circumcision to construct his eyelids. He's OK, but just a little cock-eyed."

"It's weird how many of my ancestors were sepia-toned."

"Her: If I get fat will you break up with me? Me: No but you're now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden."

"What did Sherlock ask his friend when he wanted to know what they were having for dinner? Watson the menu"

"Do you know the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Difference between oral and anal What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak!"

"Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend."