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Joke of the Day

"Too ugly for the people I want. Too hot for the people who want me."

"My brother said his wife is ""like a plunger"" when she gets drunk. She likes to bring up old shit. Hahahaha"

"What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick."

"I never believed that my dad was stealing from his job as a roadworker But when i got home all of the signs were there."

"I just got laid. But don't worry, I was totally thinking about you guys the whole time."

"Need a cure joke... Anyone? I need a joke that involves the band The Cure ... Anyone know any (or can make one up)?"

"Boss: Why did you call off yesterday? Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now."

"You can use your cat as a towel. There's no specific laws against it."

"Are you a whore? Because you are priceless to me."

"In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget."