209418

Joke of the Day

"""I have to inform you that you're sitting in an exit row and are legally required to take a photo of the plane wing and post it on Facebook"""

"[First Date] Me: I can't believe we're on a date! It's not cause my fathers rich is it? Him: No. He's very handsome too Me: CHECK PLEASE"

"""If you have a ministry like Jesus it will probably be made up of about 12 people who don't get your illustrations, & 1 wants to kill you."""

"Genetic link to male ageing and stress found in the XX sex chromosome. Hopefully it translates well enough into english."

"What do the jingle bell rock and an irritating girl with a cold commenting on a YouTube video have in common? A one horse sleigh And one *hoarse* ""slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay"" (omg yaaaaaasssss)"

"The Irish have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine. They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance!"

"I hate it when I'm doing sit-ups and I lose count after 900."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing...They're both stuck up cunts."

"Jesus loves you is always great to hear Unless you're in a mexican prison."

"It's ""aisle"" not ""isle."" If someone's on the ""alcohol isle"" that means they're in Jamaica, not at the grocery store."