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Joke of the Day

"Just saw Star Wars IMAX this weekend. I have to say... It was a solid movie. I give it a perfect score of 5/7."

"Just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the England team. Yep she got off the bus look abit confused and then got back on went home."

"Just heard a lady say she's been shopping at this Kmart for the last 15 years, and I was like, ""doesn't your family miss you?"""

"Q: Why do they always fly around a live turkey in a cage on Air Force 1? A: For spare parts."

"Good thing most planes have TVs. Nothings worse than having to look out the window at Earths sacred majesty from the point of view of angels"

"What's the Difference Between Being Hungry and Horny? Where you put the cucumber!"

"Me: Jesus. Get the kids inside Wife: What's wron- Me: *running* JUST GET THE DAMN KIDS INSIDE [a bee flies off of the lens of my binoculars]"

"TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content. But Stranger Things have happened."

"if you're feeling stressed out, just relax, take a deep breath, and exhale fire over all of your enemies. this is more for dragons btw"

"I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar... If he was a Polar bear"