208877

Joke of the Day

"There is a 'you can kill them if you catch them within a minute' rule on people who wake you up. EVERYONE knows that. *sharpening knife*"

"How does an ethiopian open a beer? With his ribs"

"My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: ""You ruined your pants."" Veteran dad: ""Thank God. I thought it was poop."""

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? They woke him up."

"Apparently it's inappropriate to ask where her shoes are from when you're in the next stall."

"How do Buddhist monks send emails? They remove all attachments."

"My friends daughter just recently turned 9 years old and has started asking him those embarrassing questions about sex. Hell, just this morning she asked him ""is that the best you can do?"""

"What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."

"What did the music thief do in college? Take notes."

"""911 wats ur emergency"" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number"