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Joke of the Day

"Right now the owner of Men's Health magazine is beating an editor who forgot to include the phrase 'rock-hard abs' on this month's cover."

"""Follow me!"" Me: Don't tell me what to do, ERIC!!! (Me at an exercise class)"

"Humpty Dumpty , that sly bastard Humpty Dumpty sat on his bed, As Little Bo Beep was giving him head, Just as he came she began to weep, She could tell by the taste, He'd been screwing her sheep ! !"

"The best way to respond when a girl asks you if she's fat is to fake a seizure."

"What would be the name of a very old rapper? 2 Canes"

"If you're sad & lonely If you're sad, lonely & home alone always watch good horror movie & you will feel someone's presence with you."

"If I offended anyone in the last 24 hours sorry but I forgot my medication and I ran out or premium beer and my son's dating a scientologist"

"If Bears ruled the world, I wonder if they would care whether or not the Humans they mauled were free-range."

"I was asked how I view lesbian relationships Apparently 'in HD' isn't the correct answer."

"What happens when you cross a grown kitten, a donkey, and a champion? A cat-ass-trophy."