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Joke of the Day

"Why aren't there any pedophiles in Japan? Because they learned what happens when you touch a little boy."

"What do you do with a stuck tap..? Fawcett."

"One day... I was on the front page of reddit"

"My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well actually he said ""less McDonald's"" but I'm pretty sure I know what he meant"

"Lesbian Couple A girl asked me what my view on lesbian couples was. Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."

"Bear of bad news: Hey, sport. You might wanna be sitting down. Ready? Oh god how do I put this? I'm gonna have to maul the shit out of you."

"My roommate asked me why I'd invited a bunch of Parisian newspaper men over for breakfast. I told him I always make coffee with the French press."

"Counting to ten after someone pisses you off gives you time to think of somewhere to bury them."

"Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all of the coffin."

"I've nicknamed my grandad Spiderman. He doesn't have any superpowers, he just can't climb out of the bath."