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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a Jedi doesn't heat something up fully? Luke warm"

"Q:How do you tell the time in Antarctica? A:I don't know,Alaska guy and tell you"

"I don't always drink tequila but when I do, where the hell are my clothes?"

"I don't know. I feel like a zoo that specialized in morbidly obese animals would be a fun time but I've had a few drinks so I don't know."

"Her: How in the world did we max out the credit card?? Me: Beats me *pushes $20K worth of Care Bears under the bed"

"Did you hear about the convict who refused to take a nap? He was resisting a rest."

"Ok..I get it now..When you spoke in a normal voice it was unclear what you meant but once you screamed the identical words it all made sense"

"I feel like I'm not giving my followers enough in my tweets. Would you be interested in stock tips or free shampoo samples?"

"There's a part of me that still loves you. I hit that part with a hammer. Stupid part."

"Why didn't anyone believe the transsexual's confession? It was a case of 'he said, she said'"