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Joke of the Day

"My wife is much happier with a beer inside her. I just wish she'd drink it afterwards."

"Why did the zoo close the big cat exhibit? Because they just kept lion around!"

"making holy water is easy.... you boil the hell out of it but how to you turn that holy water back into regular tap water? You cook the bejesus out of it. *bejesus may be a local slang but i hope not."

"Twins Yesterday, I was hanging out with my girlfriend when her identical twin sister walked by. Then my girlfriend asked me, ""Do you think my sister is pretty?"""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far"

"[ordering pizza alone] Yeah I'd like a large pepperoni and *changes voice* A medium sausage *changes voice again* Another large pepperoni"

"The Lion King is probably my favorite children's movie about running away from your problems until you're strong enough to kill your uncle."

"Why do airplanes have to go around the sweatpants factory? Because it's a NO FLY zone!"

"On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction. As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway."

"My hooker friend finally got a toilet installed at her brothel. Now she can poop where she pleases."