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Joke of the Day

"I wish there was a way to tell if this guy is being nice to me because he likes me or if it's just because he's Canadian."

"Why did the frog die? It kermit suicide."

"Programmed Siri to respond to any request with ""That's what she said."""

"People like it when girls shake their boobs and butts in public, but when I spin my penis in a circle, people call me a ""Sex offender"" and tell me ""Don't do that in public parks."""

"*buying teacher's gifts* 7: Mrs. J said she hates candles. Me: {recalling mountain of homework every night} Pumpkin Spice Candle it is then!"

"DOES HOLY WATER WORK ON OBNOXIOUS CHILDREN"

"Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked."

"A thief stole a toilet from the police station. At this point they have nothing to go on."

"Why was the healthy potato not allowed on the plane? He was on the ""No Fry"" list."

"A fob told me something the other day"