207999

Joke of the Day

"I'm thinking about giving that Call of Duty game a shot, but first I'm gonna try one last time to get past level 4 on Duck Hunt."

"*Pays bills* *Bank turns off debit card for suspicious activity*"

"(Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one"

"What type of dinosaurs roamed the Mediterranean before the asteroid hit? Falafel Raptors. (sorry)"

"Just yelled ""out of my way monsters!"" at a flock of seagulls, so I'm done interacting socially for the day"

"It's the story of Zip the penguin. It's a penguin, walking happily on the ice, and.... Ziiiiiiip the penguin!"

"Whats blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint"

"My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a ""father-son"" picnic and he invited his father"

"My Nephew's pet chicken died. I couldn't help asking if the funeral will be fried or roasted."

"How is Valve like Uranium-238? By the time they get to the third Half Life 13.5 Billion years will have passed."