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Joke of the Day

"If you want to piss off a narcissist, just tell 'em that subtweet wasn't about them."

"When will my dog ever get the hint that my leg ""just wants to be friends."""

"Of course I can keep a secret, It's the people I tell it to that can't."

"""The Spoon"" Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. . Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"Adam and eve just finished having sex for the first time god looks down and sees eve washing up and says "" I'm never going to get that smell out of the fish"""

"I can see smoke on the horizon. God I hope it's rest of Monday burning to the ground"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? Mick Jagger sings ""eh you, get offa mai cloud"", but the Scottish farmer says ""eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!"

"How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for his birthday? He felt his presents."

"Why couldn't the children see their father after his sex change? Because he was trans-parent"

"Three Chickens Three chickens on a cliff, the first falls, the second was attached to the first, The therd, well. He died of peer presure."