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Joke of the Day

"Getting shit done. Was my response when my boss ask me what I'm doing. And now I'm sitting outside of H.R."

"MAN: See my tattoo? It says ""Only God can judge me."" GOD: That shirt with those pants?"

"What film do you get when you pull your pants down? Free Willy"

"The clock is ticking... 9:09 9:10 George Bush 9:12"

"I wanted to make sure my kids were safe when they are playing outside.... So I put an ISIS flag in my window. Now my neighbors watch them 24/7."

"Michael Jackson jokes are so childish"

"fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha"

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Trick question. The answer is C: The farmer."

"*pulls out stack of pancakes and completely stuffs mouth during interview* Nexft queffstun pleeazse ""Umm. Your biggest weakness?"" Panfccakes"

"What's worse than a pedophile? A fucking pedophile."