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Joke of the Day

"Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again... I've said it before."

"Can someone please help me to spell misogynistic? A man preferably"

"Why does a chicken coup only have two doors? If it had four, it'd be a chicken sedan."

"Why is Light Beer like sex in a canoe? It's fucking close to water"

"I suspected my marriage was in trouble when I'd meet my husband for dinner then we would both race home to make out with the babysitter."

"I'm married, but not ""pass up the opportunity to sleep with Thor"" married. Or Wolverine. Or Captain America. Or Jennifer Aniston..."

"Always the camel, never the toe."

"id be so offended if a group of ppl just rolled through my room on safari rn as im lounging in bed and just pointed at me and took pictures"

"Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year."