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Joke of the Day

"People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop"

"Why was Oedipus against profanity? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth"

"what's the difference between the government and the mafia? The Mafia is organized"

"HER: Let me know when you get your shit together. ME: So I guess this is goodbye."

"The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say ""Die slowly"" and ""die quickly"". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian."

"Judging from the sounds in my trunk this guy would have had an excellent career as a drummer."

"What's Elon Musk's favorite band? The Cult."

"I texted my girlfriend ""goodnight, love you"" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings."

"Seems like /r/jokes likes puns about penises... Hey, I won't dick-scriminate."

"what do anal sex and vegetables have in common? you enjoy both more as an adult if they arent forced on you as a child."