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Joke of the Day
"Why are hipsters the oldest known form of life? They were on the Earth before it was cool."
Next Joke
"My friend is a telemarketer. Sometimes, when he's relaxing, I'll call him out of the blue and piss him off."
"If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer ""all sales are vinyl"" until I was fired. It would be worth it."
"If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you."
"One for the science guys: Q) How do you make a hormone? A) Don't pay her!"
"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong *walked on the moon* but Michael Jackson was a *pedophile.*"
"I used to be schizophrenic. But we are ok now."
"While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?"
"How many vegans does it take to eat a cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking."
"Arnold Schwarzenegger wakes up on easter morning..."