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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted!"

"What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? AIDS"

"What do you call a donkey in space? A wild asstronaught."

"An Englishman walks into a bar. In these stories there is usually an Irishman, Welshman and a Scotsman, but they are still at the rugby."

"The secret to my success lies with you having a poor grasp on it's definition."

"[NSFW] I met a girl called Michelle at a bar... Her: Hi, I am Michelle Me: I am Donaldson, but people sometimes call me Dick. Her: How do you get Dick from Donaldson? Me: You ask nicely."

"What not to do on a first date: ask what gender they are."

"I dated Stephen Hawking but had to break it off. He just wasn't a very stand-up guy."

"He said the spark between us was gone. So I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up"

"People keep accusing me of using the wrong words in my sentences. It's like everyone in my life has turned into a grandma nazi."