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Joke of the Day

"I honestly respect reality show people for the sole fact they can do their interviews weeks later and speak as if it's presently happening"

Next Joke
 
"What happened when a whore house caught on fire? Some came out running, others ran out coming."
"how much does a polar bear weigh? enough to break the ice what's up girl my name is bill"
"How many alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!"
"After we got the divorce she let me have everything. Except the jewelry, and of course something to keep it in. I call it ""the house"".."
"My daughter does this thing where she copies EVERYTHING the dog does; Bark, beg, fetch etc. It was adorable! Until the dog humped the couch"
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away... Too bad we all can't be asthmatics!"
"Today I got in touch with my inner self Last time I'm buying cheap toilet paper."
"So I went to get a protein snack in Iraq... But they only had fucking allahu akbars"
"MOM: [walks into daughter's room, sees protest signs, history books, list of senators' phone numbers on bed] Are you... politically active?"