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Joke of the Day

"My friend was in a terrible accident, and now has to breathe through a straw ...you could say he sucks at life."

"What do you call a Mexican that's lost his car? Carlos"

"Why is divorce so expensive? BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT!!!"

"Why was the janitor late? He overswept"

"What is the difference between an Olympic runner and Hitler? An Olympic runner can finish a race."

"America's obesity epidemic is pretty shocking, until you remember that we're the country that invented flavored floss."

"The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill."

"If you went camping and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone? If not, do you wanna go camping?"

"*uses blood from wounds to write my killer's name on the floor* I...will be...avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON'T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!"

"What's your new years resolution? Mine's 1920x1080."