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Joke of the Day

"[flying remote control helicopter near my wife] GET THAT THING AWAY FROM MY- [helicopter gets tangled in her hair & now I'm a dead person]"

"Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman."

"I wore my ""Gandalf for President"" shirt to the comic convention. It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration."

"What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook."

"Shout out to girls that have a relationship with prisoners. At least they always know where their man is at."

"intelligent student Student would you punish me for some thing i did not do? Teacher no , of course not.Student good, because i did not do my homework."

"Roses are Red Roses are red I'm feeling elated I'm doing Gisele My balls are deflated"

"If you are wondering how many ketchup packets you can put in a Holiday Inn hot tub before people stop going in, the answer is 9."

"Australians don't have sex They mate"

"'Tis the season to pull copious amounts of tinsel out of your dog's butthole."