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Joke of the Day

"where did Marry go after the explosion? everywhere"

"I've counted 8 people so far whose New Year's resolutions include ""loose weight"". Can I add spelling to your list too?"

"I definitely thought I would have shot the lock off of something by now in my life."

"You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons. How ionic."

"""That'll be $147,382."" - The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air."

"What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite."

"What do you call a reckless thief who only steals cooking utensils? A whisk taker."

"TIL that constipation is hereditary. My dad never gave a shit."

"I used to be indecisive... Now I'm not so sure..."

"What do mexicans cut their pizza with? Little Caesars."