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Joke of the Day

"You'd think that atoms bonding with other atoms would mean they're being friendly, but really they steal each other's electrons. How ionic."

"What is a capitalist's favorite fetish? Vore, because it's all about consumption"

"I believe Unicorns were the first to call each other dickheads."

"Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room."

"Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups? Hermione went alone and was attacked by a troll"

"I can't stand people who curse. Fucking disgraceful."

"Why are the busiest paleontologists always rednecks? Because they are always caught up in some type of relative dating."

"What did one turnip say to the other? We're white and bulbous, just like America"

"So how does this work now? Does General McChrystal have to give up his Foursquare ""Mayor specials"" in Kandahar?"

"*grammar police reads ransom note* ""Bring the money hear in too days, or she dead"" *grammar cop dies* ""Damn, he had 2 days until retirement"""