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Joke of the Day

"My daughter doesn't understand why I'm wearing sunglasses in the house this morning. Filled her sippy with rum so we're on the same page."

"My girlfriend is a special snowflake She's cold and flaky."

"I'm hesitant to go ahead with my new plastic surgeon since he said he could give me ""the parts of an animal"" I was all gung-ho before, but now he's given me paws"

"What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book? He removed the appendix!"

"Two rednecks are having sex -""Who's your daddy!! Who's your daddy!!"" -""You are."""

"Why do beaches not get sarcasm? Because they always take things littorally"

"Indiana - A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the cash, the man fled--leaving his wallet on the counter."

"What did Santa say when big old fat uncle Alfred came round to chat? Nice to *sleigh* you!"

"Joke What goes oom oom"

"What is the stupidest animal in the jungle? The polar bear."