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Joke of the Day

"I can't wait to jump on my kids' beds at 5am on Mother's Day, and holler ""WHAT DID YOU GET ME?!?"""

"What do you call a stork that doesn't bring babies? A swallow"

"My girlfriend and I used to argue in bed... I liked to sleep all stretched out like a starfish, and she liked to sleep with a Russian body-builder called Ivan."

"I have a new doctor. He wanted to check my prostate and I told him that I don't do that on the first appointment."

"Which US national park is most welcoming to Hebrews? Yosemite!"

"Why did Faraday shop at the discount bird cage store? Because of their great buy one, get one free of charge deals."

"Can someone throw Kevin Bacon in the freezing Artic waters and give him hypothermia? I NEED this six degrees of Kevin Bacon joke."

"How do you find out that a blonde girl got a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear, and she is looking for her pencil."

"As a priest finishes paying for his hotel room, he says to the cashier: ""And can you make sure the porn in my room is disabled?"" Cashier: ""right you are, you filthy bastard!"""

"Yarrr, have ye seen me mizzenmast? It's mizzen."