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Joke of the Day

"My Grandfather I'll never forget my grandfather's last words.. ""Are you sure you're holding the fucking ladder?"""

"4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said ""People are a prototype"" and I was too scared to ask what he meant."

"The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full. The reposter says the glass is half full"

"Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ? Webley stadium !"

"Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back"

"Accidentally got in the 10 items or less line with 11 items again, so I made two separate transactions so I wouldn't piss anyone off."

"I can't tell if Michael Cera is actually an actor, or just an awkward guy who keeps wandering onto film sets and does his best to fit in."

"UK and USA are in a contest to destroy themselves. The UK edged ahead with Brexit, but the US just played their trump card."

"What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state? One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states. ^badump ^tssss"

"Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong. *(I'm sorry)*"