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Joke of the Day

"Where do dads keep their jokes? In their dadabase."

"I could've had a kid with a heroin addiction but Noooo. Instead my kid wants to join a Christian rock band."

"[karate tournament] coach: Billy sweep the leg! me in the crowd: haha hey billy vacuum his head! *Billy just wails opponent with a Dyson*"

"Dad always said ""Time to hit the sack!"" before bed. Not sure how getting punched in the testicles helped him sleep, but that was just dad."

"I wanted to make sure my kids were safe when they are playing outside.... So I put an ISIS flag in my window. Now my neighbors watch them 24/7."

"What do gay carpenters say... I'd tap that!"

"The owner of hostess just brought the playboy mansion Guess he really liked ho-hos and ding dongs"

"Batman stands high on a ledge over Gotham... ""This is high. How did I get up here again? This is fun, I'm fun. I'm dressed up like a bat."""

"Is your ass okay? It has a crack in it."

"Toddlers are the only life form that can exist entirely on their own snot, one goldfish cracker, and half a chicken nugget a day."