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Joke of the Day

"i always struggle using sarcasm with kleptomaniacs they always take things. literally."

"Isn't it weird how something that's used as PUNISHMENT as a child becomes a sexual act once we're older? Like oral sex."

"What do you call an aardvark that's been thrown out of a pub? A barredvark!"

"who wore it better: Russell Brand or Steven Tyler's microphone stand"

"Why don't they have werewolves in Asia? They get eaten."

"Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my ""I ? Karaoke"" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever."

"If you're pulled over, wait for the cop to lean down to your window, then use their vulnerability to give them a quick peck on the cheek"

"I measure how hard I'm working by whether I feel compelled to close my eyes and nap while sitting on the toilet."

"""I'm Dan if I do, and Dan if I don't."" -Dan"

"whats an english man favourite breakfast cereal Cherry Oh's"