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Joke of the Day

"I was having trouble settling into my new house, so I went to a therapist He said I have an apartment complex"

"Beer nuts $1:50 Deer nuts under a buck"

"What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by it's circumference? Pumpkin Pi. ( )"

"What do you get if you cross a river with a bridge? to the other side."

"Shot my first turkey today.. scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section..."

"Hey UK! You're looking great! Have you lost a few pounds?"

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!"

"If anyone needs any morals, I have some I'm not using."

"Anyone else think they should limit Oscar acceptance speeches to 140 characters like Twitter?"

"5yo: I can't wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you're here from the future to save the world."