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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar ouch"

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"Before Facebook and online dating, I seriously don't think I've ever seen a picture of a person in their bathroom."
"I feel like a crushed Coke can on the sidewalk. Soda pressed."
"Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost."
"You know as long as you keep babies well fed they're usually pretty good... But I like mine with a little BBQ sauce."
"Do you know why lions eat raw meat? Because lions don't know how to cook."
"*unplugs 100% charged iphone* *slides to unlock* battery 43%"
"she died doing what she loved: looking at her phone while crossing the street"
"What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia? Thrown in a lake."
"If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it's because they've just killed someone right?"