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Joke of the Day

"The Word Election and Erection Are Spelt Similarly. They also have the same meaning A dick rising to power!"

"Sure, your app can send me push notifications. Just give me your home number so I can call you to let you know I got them."

"Santa goes to Ethiopia. Starving kid says in his winding breath: *Santa presents...!* Santa says: **Santa doesn't gift children who doesn't eat properly!**"

"If you jingle my bells ill promise you a white Christmas."

"Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers."

"All women really want is to be treated like you treat your iPhone."

"Why don't all Libertarian candidates have dwarfism? I thought Libertarians believed in small government."

"FARMER: can I help you, sir? ME: this ain't my first rodeo, buddy FARMER: [narrows eyes] ME: ok maybe it is [climbs off sheep]"

"Secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures."

"He said there was no spark between us, so I tazed him. I'll ask again when he wakes up."