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Joke of the Day

"A friend asked me what I thought I would be doing in 4 years, I said I dunno... ...it's not like I have 2020 vision."

"How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked? Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke."

"Obama is a lot like college Everyone wants four more years, but nobody wants to pay for it."

"Going to start a band called The Subtweets. All songs will contain cryptic lyrics that incite paranoia in the crowd."

"What's Natalie Portman's favorite element? Thorium."

"A skeleton walked into a pub... I'll have a pint and mop."

"I bet old hobbit ladies watched a lot of ""Mordor, She Wrote."""

"Which is the only insect that needs to wear shoes? Mosqui-toes."

"Too bad Anne Frank never saw Home Alone. Could have been a serious game changer in my opinion."

"Vasaline is the key to having sex with your spouse after having children... *Just stick that stuff on the outside of the doorknob and the kids can't turn the knob to get in."