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Joke of the Day

"I swear on my momma imma upvote this post, since you sweared on your momma upvote this post."

"When is a door not a door? When it's a jar!"

"""just get thru the 1st day without them finding out youre an elephant"" IT dude: ""ok here's your new mouse"" [just fkn destroys the place]"

"What do you call a bird that lives underground ? A mynah bird !"

"An alcoholic walks into a bar"

"Why did you bring your cat to school? Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school? Student: My dad said he was going to eat mom's pussy."

"I just thought of the most badass hobbit name: Oak Smashfoot. Oh god, I'm so tired."

"My dog could not protect the house from robbers if they brought a vacuum cleaner."

"Why does the universe expand?.... All the Milky Ways. You get it."

"My wife called me a ""panty dropper."" She said to be more careful with the laundry next time."