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Joke of the Day

"But people, if you have a gift card that is all used up, do not drop it in a urinal pleaseit's a Big letdown to fish it out all for nothing"

"I always keep a windchime next to the bed so I can brush my fingers across it as my lover climaxes"

"When a Vietnamese person has the same first and last name... It's a Nguyen Nguyen situation."

"What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library? Digest Readers."

"[explaining twitter to my mom] Everyone is mad about something all the time and I'm a cartoon"

"My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting ""LOL"" on relationship statuses on Facebook."

"I had to make a difficult decision when arrested at the border on the way to Mecca... I was caught between Iraq and a Hajj place."

"Asked for Cheez-its Wife buys Cheese Nips Now she's sitting in the corner thinking about what she did."

"Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day."

"Life isn't a garden, so don't be a hoe."