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Joke of the Day

"Two packets of crisps were walking down the street. A car slows down beside them and asks if they wanted a ride to where they were going. The crisps replied 'no, we're Walkers'"

"What do you call it when someone makes a slam-dunk wearing shiny handcuffs? Boom-shackle-lacquer!"

"What do four out of five guys love to do? Gang-rape."

"Why are women terrible drivers? Because making sandwiches behind the wheel is a lot harder than making them in the kitchen."

"Why do people keep buying velcro? It's such a ripoff."

"Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed."

"I got a job as a triangle player in a Reggae band... I just stand at the back and ting"

"How short-sighted of you to include a fax number in your email signature but not the coordinates of your zeppelin dock."

"Me to my toddler: Listen up, small human. Here are some farm animal sounds you should learn to prepare you to climb the corporate ladder."

"If a kid refuses to go to sleep during nap time... Is he guilty of resisting a rest?"