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Joke of the Day

"My boss is currently shopping for quarter million dollar homes. Meanwhile, I'm over here deciding if I really need to spend $2 on lunch."

"Just went to the bookies to put a bet on a horse called ""Dirty Carpet"" it's never been beaten"

"Whenever I'm depressed, I go to the roof at night, watch the view, reminisce, look at the stars and be touched by the lord.... ..the land lord.."

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants, and a dirty bus stop? One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"Me: ""Aw, your baby is cute. How old?"" Woman: ""Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?"" Me: ""Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."""

"Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years."

"What's Chris Brown's favorite professional sport? Sockher"

"My dog always walked backwards... So I named him god."

"(NAME) is a terrific athlete. He recently ran the London Marathon he was aiming for 3 hours but just missed it! he made it in 3 hrs 150 minutes"

"They say 1 in every 4 men is gay, so there must be one in my group of friends. I wonder which one of them 7 is, I really need a cock in my ass."