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Joke of the Day

"Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years."

"""What's it like being a female comic?"" ""Well, you get asked what it's like being a female comic a lot."""

"Dinner guests coming over later and I got nothing. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?"

"[pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues"

"What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon? A hare dare."

"Show your neighbor they shouldn't park their boat outside of their house by filling it with two of every animal."

"Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can! Why can't humans? Because they'll bite us!"

"I have good news & bad news ""bad news 1st"" I died youre talking to a ghost ""OMG & the good news?"" I broke the world record for eating bees"

"This guys car is stopped in the middle of the hwy with his flashers on. Probably thought of a really good tweet."

"Pavlov is sitting in a bar when a phone rings. He jumps of his chair and yells - ""Damn, I forgot to feed the dogs"""