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Joke of the Day

"What is a Mexican's most favourite sport? Cross-country"

"""I Like My Drinks Like I Like My Women"" Cold, Stiff, and been in the cellar for the past few years."

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot kill, the courage to blow up the things I can, and the wisdom to not get caught."

"Just got some new ecstasy pills from Moscow.. I'm absolutely Russian my tits off!"

"A guy sees his dad has a black eye - Hey, Dad. Why do you have a black eye? - You'll have two if you leave your girlfriend's underwear in my car one more time!"

"[Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am."

"[Adam and Eve in bed] Adam, am I really the only girl for you? GOD EVE, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH"

"Doctor & Patient F Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"[Catholic church] *priest hands out ""What To Expect At Your Exorcism"" Husband: Babe, this isn't counseling Me: You said you'd try anything"

"Tried to be sly and shove the whole cookie in my mouth without him seeing me. Then he turned around and asked me a question."