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Joke of the Day
"Just got some new ecstasy pills from Moscow.. I'm absolutely Russian my tits off!"
Next Joke
"What's a pirate's favorite rapper? Kendrick Lamarrghhhh"
"Why did the hipster burn himself while eating pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool."
"What should we call this portable computer? SOME GUY: Laptop [everyone applauds...w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]"
"Q. Who's the coolest guy in the hospital? A. The Ultrasound Guy http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sound&defid=491809"
"What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison."
"Bernie Sanders is elected president </joke>"
"Honesty is the best policy, unless you're trying to return something that you've already worn."
"I'm on a whiskey diet. You should try it, I've lost 3 days already."
"How do you call a camel with 3 humps? With empathy, compassion, and honesty. Cancer is hard news, even for a camel."