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Joke of the Day

"Whales in a bar Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, ""OUUHHHHWAHHHHHHH OUHHHHHHH AHHHH"" and the second one replies, ""Shut up Steve, you're drunk!"""

"So anyway, one of my favorite pastimes is not drowning."

"Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second."

"Donald Trump's favorite movie is the Big Lebowski. It's about trying to find the perfect rug while sucking down strong white Russians."

"How do you know if you have a high sperm count? Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows."

"What do you call someone who's got a horse for a mother and a fruit for a father? A Frenchman."

"FYI: If someone says ""I'm game,"" you can legally shoot them. You should probably check your state and local hunting regulations though."

"This Tweet has been a test of the Emergency Procrastination System."

"Why did the hipster salmon not get to breed? He didnt use the main stream"

"What's for dinner? -A question asked by children who have no intention of eating the answer."