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Joke of the Day

"Watching cartoons with my son is awesome except for all the commercials & now his Christmas list has 26,724 things on it. Shit."

"In an incredible turn of events we've been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz"

"Why is Apple donating money to cancer research? ""Cancer stole our jobs!"""

"New information has come into my possession that reveals a significant percentage of you are full of shit."

"What's the difference between my dick and my wifes vibrater? The vibrater can actually make her orgasm. (Sorry for spelling.)"

"pH number. So a random person I don't know sends me a message on Facebook which goes like, ""cn i hve ur pH no? :)"" To which I reply, ""7."""

"What did one tree say to the other? Nothing. They bark."

"What if Aliens don't want to visit us because they're all women and they want us to make the first move."

"How do you get a kid out from a microwave? Please answer before my wife gets home!"

"Polio walks into a bar and no one walks out."