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Joke of the Day

"DR: So, you're 36 years old, 4 foot tall & sound like a woman. How can I help you today, Mr Simpson? BART: I don't know where my hair starts"

"Why did the smoothie get assassinated? He got mixed up with a few bad apples."

"You burn more calories chasing after your cat than you get from eating it. It's the celery of pets."

"I like my women like I like my doctors Always asking me to take my clothes off whenever I see them."

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You've gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets the message"

"Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment."

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Teach a man to fire and he'll run for president."

"I went to a shop and asked the cashier, ""can I have a KitKat Chunky?"" After the cashier came back with a KitKat Chunky, I gave it back to her, saying ""I wanted a regular KitKat, fatso!"""

"Is this sub Reddit dead? There have barely been any decent posts all year!"

"I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him."