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Joke of the Day

"Patient: ""It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."" Dentist: ""I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."""

"I greet all my daughter's boyfriends with, ""I used to molest guys like you in prison."""

"Why does a redneck hold a knife while driving? So he can cut corners. `Pretty old Dutch joke that surprisingly also works in English.`"

"A murder A man walks into a crowded bar, pulls out a knife, and murders another man. Then he walked out. * I bet you laughed, this joke is a *killer*"

"If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry.. You have the rest of your life to fix it."

"My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes."

"I used to miss Mitch Hedburg I still do... But I used to, too. RIP"

"Why did Chris Christie cross the road? Because chicken is fucking delicious!"

"Asked my parents if I was adopted... They laughed and said ""Of course not, why would we have chosen you?"""

"The best thing about going on a first date to the petting zoo is that if she doesn't put out there are still plenty of options."