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Joke of the Day

"Kardashian How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. They just hold it up because the world revolves around them."

"My signature move is texting ""There in 5"" while I'm 80 miles away and embroiled in a Kung Fu Dance battle with an uncouth cattle farmer."

"Name a body part that's long and stiff and uses the letters PENSI A spine"

"MAGICIAN: Think of a horse ME: Ok MAGICIAN: You thinking of one? ME: Yep MAGICIAN: Cool right? ME: Very cool"

"*first astronaut lands on Mars* NASA: How does it feel son? Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band"

"So I was shopping online for antique guns..... and I got to the World War II section. I selected guns of French origin. They were all in mint condition."

"My phone just autocorrected ""doofus"" to ""doodie""...and I thought *I* was immature."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist!"

"I got an invite to a wedding that said ""black tie only""... But when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos."

"Have you heard about that new film about the tractor? I just saw the trailer."