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Joke of the Day

"I would never cheat on my partner. Because that would require two people to find me attractive."

"I'm not saying delivering a baby is easy, but I'm pretty sure all I need is a box, some tape, and a stamp."

"*KNOCK KNOCK* OPEN UP ITS THE POLICE ""What do you want?"" YOU'RE UNDER ARRES- ""No."" ..NO?? ""No, I don't want to be."" *whispers* Shit now what"

"Doctor Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia."

"Jokes about menstruation aren't funny. Period."

"How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian!"

"""you should be more serious, sir. this is arson."" ""no this is MY son!"" *tousles his hair* ""ha ha ha. so how many houses did the rascal burn"""

"How do you know an Asian broke into your home? The computer's upgraded, the cat is missing and they're still trying to back the fuck outta the driveway."

"A British Major is stationed in the desert with his troops..."

"i order a pizza online and under special requests i write: ""tell me the meaning of life"". when the door bell rings there's only an empty box"