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Joke of the Day

"Apparently, changing your profile to ""Flirty, dirty and a little squirty"" gets you kicked out of Christian Mingle."

"""Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!"" ""Dad, just once, couldn't you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?"" ""ARISE!"""

"Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside."

"National Survey Reports Pi day as America's Third-Most Underrated Holiday To me it's a little bit more than that."

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my smash mouth obsession But then i saw her face..."

"How did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field."

"Which whiskey should you buy if you want to dance all night? Wild Twerky!"

"How does Google translate ""ten dead American cops"" into any other language? \_()_/ "

"Today's a beautiful day... After all, nothing beats Mayweather."

"Ebay is way to hard to use I searched for lighters, and all I got was 71,274 matches."