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Joke of the Day

"Half Life 3 lol"

"""I OBJECT!"" the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, ""No...you human."""

"Sir, your wife was stabbed ten times, but the missing piece is the murder weapon. So far we have nothing, Mr *checks notes* Scissorhands."

"Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month? She must have called a 1,000 times"

"TV that gets louder to compensate for when you are chewing."

"Why Didn't Batman Go To Church? Because of Christian Bail"

"Why is life like a penis? Because Women make it hard!"

"I found a stray cat today. Sadly, my dad is allergic to them so I had to put him down. At least I still have the cat for comfort."

"Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because he had a javelin through his head."

"What did Abraham Lincoln say after a two week drunk? I freed what?"