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Joke of the Day

"Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have? Godfrey"

"When do clocks die? When their time is up."

"Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas."

"What do my toaster and I have in common? We both like to be in the same bathtub at the same time."

"How do you confuse a complete idiot ? 32"

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge door... It said, ""this is not working. I'm going to my mothers."" I opened the door. The light came on. The beer was cold. Just what in the hell did she mean?"

"Which states is Bernie most popular in? Denmark, Sweden and Norway."

"You're right, vegetarian. Meat IS murder. ...and I'm sure no bunnies, squirrels or mice died during the harvesting of your garden salad."

"How do you get your dog to come? Fuck it."

"I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it."